Why am I here ?
June , 2020
So as I was sitting on the couch
On a perfectly average summer morning,
With things as monotonous as usual,
It suddenly hit me.
Like a whirlpool of wind
Entering my mind,
Venturing through every brain cell
Until I had but only two thoughts;
Why am I here?
What is the purpose of my life?
Individuals constantly questioning themselves whether their lives have meaning, purpose or value at all is known as existential crisis. Every single one of us has had a day like this or will have it in the future when things seem normal in the most unusual way and suddenly out of the blues, these thoughts pop into your minds and leave you in a state of existential crisis. It sweeps you off your feet before you even comprehend the questions lurking in your mind. You begin to ponder day and night about this purpose or propaganda that you believe is the reason why you were brought into this world. For days and weeks and months you wonder and sink into a volcano of thoughts that slowly takes away your interests and consumes every part of your brain. You start questioning the 'why' for all things from the moment you wake up from the nightmares that take away your sleep.
Why am I even studying?
Why am I working at a job I'm not fond off?
Whyy am I even alive when I know not what my passion is?
These questions are like a mess of tangled strings that you try to unfold but instead trigger newer questions and when you finally manage to untangle them all, you stare at this extremely long string that still somehow makes no sense.
The string resembles your life.
Depression has affected more than 264 million people globally and this occurs usually due to a trauma or incident that a person goes through whereas existential crisis is something that can hit you even at the break of dawn and can occur without any signs of depression. It claims to have such immense level of power that could either lead to the growth or destruction of a person if dug deep into. It is something you will definitely face in your life and if you are lost understanding and figuring out these thoughts, you could might as well be pulled into the misadventure of depression and boom goes your life!
This is why I would love to enlighten you with certain truths that everyone needs to understand:
You will not have a purpose throughout your life.
Your life does not consist of a single huge purpose but of multiple minute ones.
Your life does not stop being meaningful as soon as you finish these purposes for you never know what's next.
Your story does not start from the very moment you are born and ends the moment you die.There will definitely be a period or certain periods in your life that are purposeful , where you will be learning, struggling and growing through your obstacles to achieve your targets and that is your story. This period comes to certain at a very young age while a little late to others but that is all. The whole rest of your life without those meaningful periods is for you. Embrace it, enjoy it and be carefree about it with nothing holding you back. No self doubt, no looping existential questions, just live. If you haven't yet found your purpose, you need patiently relax because your life is still plotting the story and I bet you, yours is going to be one heck of a journey when it begins.
- Aditi S Murthy