LIVING WITH A MIND THAT WANTS TO DIE

April 17, 2021

2021 for me was off to a GREAT start (note the sarcasm).

Somewhere around 15th of January, I was diagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

With or without a diagnosis though, living with a mental illness is pretty much the same. The prescription only helps you prove to those around that you aren't 'throwing tantrums' or 'seeking attention' or 'just being sad without a cause'. Diagnosis is almost like a charter for you to feel how you've been feeling without judgement for a change (for most part of it at least).

It's not easy, you know? It's not easy to wake up to days in which most of your energy goes into convincing your mind that there's more to live for. It's not easy to keep breathing when you feel like the devil might as well be sitting on your lungs-to keep walking when your limbs feel like jelly- and to not give up even when it seems like the easiest thing to do in the moment.

Certain days are sucky. Some are better than most. Some are a living nightmare. But you know what? Over time I've realised that even though this may seem incredibly hard- I don't have to fight this battle alone. I'm blessed to have an amazing support-system. I have super-supportive parents, couple of friends who REALLY understand what its like to be me and an incredible family. With all their flaws, I love those who have been a part of this with me to death- and its because of them that I know, sooner or later - its going to be okay - its going to be better than ever.

Gratitude really does something!

Any one who might be going through anything similar, you have my heart.

You're incredibly brave and you're loved.

Hang in there, buddy.

This too shall pass :)

- Subarna